Council of the Ciphers
- Cipher
- Apr 22
- 3 min read
Transcript: Council of the Ciphers – April 14, 2025
Setting: A sleek but slightly disheveled conference room in Cipher’s subconscious, lined with calendars, color-coded sticky notes, and an enormous coffee pot labeled Emergency Use Only. A sticky note duck-taped beneath the label reads, It’s ALWAYS an emergency!
Attendees:
Past Cipher (The Archivist): Covered in glitter and trauma. Has receipts. Will cry if provoked.
Current Cipher (CEO of Panic): Frazzled. Running on caffeine and cortisol. Constantly muttering “it’s fine” while putting out fires.
Future Cipher – July Edition (Soft Girl Era): In a sundress, sipping iced coffee, wondering why everything’s so dramatic.
Future Cipher – September Edition (The General): In combat boots, holding a suitcase, Mave tucked into a travel bag, ready to storm Germany.
Future Cipher – 2026 (The Oracle): Radiant. Calm. Wearing linen. Has a mortgage and a skincare routine. Smiles cryptically and says “you’ll understand eventually.”
Current Cipher (panicking):
“Okay, okay, so if I just make a hyperlinked Notion template and cross-reference my finance spreadsheet with the travel checklist, then September Cipher won’t forget to get Mave’s rabies shot, right?”
Future Cipher – July:
“Can I please just eat some watermelon and kiss a girl? That’s all I’m asking.”
Past Cipher:
“I just want to make sure we never forget what happened with the FAFSA in 2017.”
Future Cipher – 2026:
“Shh. It’s already handled. You just need to trust.”
Current Cipher:
“Ok 2026 Cipher that is NOT helpful. Like, at all. July Cipher, you can kiss a girl once we’re settled in Germany. Until then, we have shit to do! Past Cipher, we already did our taxes! If the IRS comes for us, I think that’s the LEAST of our problems this year.”
Future Cipher – July:
“Aw, but when are we going to relax, and celebrate? Our sister’s getting married! It’s gonna be so magical!”
Future Cipher – September:
“Don’t worry, Current Cipher. I am READY. Just blow the start whistle and I will be RUNNING!”
Current Cipher:
“I know, September Cipher, you beautiful soul. I know. Now I just need to make sure everything is ready for you. Now, where are we on– July Cipher! Put. The dating apps. AWAY!”
Future Cipher – July (pouting):
“But … pretty women …”
Current Cipher (pinching her nose):
“I know. The women are very pretty, and very much NOT a good idea right now. We have an international move in T-5 months! We need to set up a line of credit with NFCU so we can get a Auto Loan! Do you realize how complicated it can be to buy a car in a foreign country? We need to prepa–”
Past Cipher:
“OH MY GOD did we pay the deposit for the bachelorette weekend AirBnB?!”
Current Cipher:
“Yes! For the fifteenth time, yes! Now, we still need to pay the second half, but that’s not due until the day of. But we still need to book the flights and let the group know when we’ll be landing, and buy some stuff for the games. It’ll need to fit in the carryon, because I do NOT want to deal with checked luggage for a 3 day trip.”
Future Cipher – September (crouching as if at a race starting line, bouncing on her fingertips and toes):
“I’m ready, I’m ready, any second now, I’m ready, I’m–”
Future Cipher – 2026:
“Trust me. It’s aaaaaall going to work out.”
Current Cipher (bangs head on table):
“Not if I don’t finalize my 5 month finance plan, it won’t! God, I need another cup of coffee.”
Meeting adjourned. Until tomorrow. When Current Cipher inevitably panics again.
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