Are Dogs a Tool of the Patriarchy?

A Feminist Reflection on Pets, Labor, and Who Picks Up the Poop

Are dogs a tool of the patriarchy?

Wait, wait—don’t kill me.

Let’s get something straight right away:

I love dogs. I’ve grown up with them my whole life. I have adorable doggy nieces and nephews. I never mind a good slobbery kiss in the name of puppy affection.

I love dogs.

But... they are man’s best friend.

Let me explain.

This morning, as I walked out the door and said goodbye to my cat, I had a fleeting, grateful thought:

“I’m so glad I can leave her alone for the day while I work at the café.”

And then it hit me—I couldn’t do that with a dog.

And that’s when it really hit me:

Dogs, for all their sweetness, implicitly perpetuate the patriarchy.

There are plenty of differences between dogs and cats, and people get weirdly passionate about them. But most of the arguments boil down to a simple trade-off:

• Dogs are more universally friendly—but they’re a lot more work.

• Cats are easier to care for—but they bond with far fewer people.

As someone who’s had both, I get it.

When I adopted my cat, she spent the first two months hiding under furniture. She wanted nothing to do with me. I wasn’t even sure I had a cat.

My dogs, on the other hand—as much as I adore them—were needy as hell. Sweet, loyal, loving… and incredibly time-consuming. A single day trip to a theme park became a logistical operation: who would feed them, who would let them out, when, how often, for how long?

Dogs are more work. That’s just the reality.

But we love them anyway.

Now, what the hell does this have to do with the patriarchy?

Everything.

Because here’s the thing: having a dog pretty much requires a stay-at-home person. That’s not up for debate. It’s just the reality of how much time, planning, and hands-on care dogs need.

My single coworker told me he hopes to find a stable relationship this year—because then he can get a dog.

My sister and her fiancé really want one, but they both work full time outside the home, so it’s just not reasonable.

When my family got a dog over a decade ago, we had a whole conversation about how much responsibility it would be. My sisters and I swore we’d do it all—every walk, every bowl, every poop bag.

…You can probably guess how that went.

The truth is, dogs need someone home. So who’s taking care of man’s best friend? 

You guessed it. 

A woman. 

Throughout history, women have been the ones most consistently taking care of the home and family. We call it unpaid care labor—and it’s essential, exhausting, and deeply undervalued.

And despite some persistent (and frankly bizarre) myths, this work didn’t fall to women because we’re somehow better at it.

It fell to women because, for most of history, we weren’t allowed to do much else.

Back in the day, that arrangement made a certain amount of sense. In a world without reliable birth control, once a woman had a child, she was... stuck. Babies need to eat. And if the mom’s already home feeding the baby, well, why not throw in some laundry and cooking while she’s at it?

All joking aside, I get why that structure developed.But as technology advanced, and society changed, that arrangement became less and less necessary.

And yet, it didn’t go away.

One of the oldest patterns in history is this: every time progress gives women a shot at more freedom, more education, more opportunity—men in power say, “No.”

It happens again and again.

Just a few years before my mother was born, women still needed a man’s permission to open a bank account. And even after that changed, banks still found ways to discriminate.

Gendered expectations about who does what—what counts as “men’s work” versus “women’s work,” who gets paid and who doesn’t—are still baked deep into our culture.

Even now, in 2025, women are expected to take on the majority of caretaking.

Unpaid.

On top of their full-time jobs.

As you’ve probably noticed—and in case you haven’t—most households today are dual-income. That’s not a lifestyle choice. It’s economic survival.

But even as more women work outside the home, those old expectations haven’t shifted. In heterosexual relationships, women still come home from a full day of paid work… and then put in nearly another full shift doing unpaid labor.

Almost five hours of it. Every day.

(Source: Institute for Women’s Policy Research, 2020)

One more note from that same IWPR study:

Men reported doing about 3.8 hours of unpaid care work a day—compared to women’s five.

And yes, dog care is part of that. But dogs don’t just add more chores to the pile—they create unique constraints.

As we’ve already covered, dogs require a ton of time, consistency, and presence. They need someone home. Regularly.

That limits what kind of job the caretaker can have.

If you’re single, your best bet is a remote job—so you can be around during the day. Or, if you have the disposable income, maybe you can outsource the work to a doggy babysitter.

Some workplaces try to accommodate this—I went to a high school where teachers could bring their dogs to the on-campus daycare. But that’s the exception, not the rule.

In most households, if there are two adults, one of them stays home—or at least, works flexibly enough to cover the gap.

And in heterosexual relationships, that “flexibility” almost always falls to the woman.

Dogs—sweet, loyal, endlessly adorable—still come with a cost.They limit your time, your freedom, your ability to travel, your career flexibility, and your capacity for spontaneity.

If you ever want a taste of what motherhood is like, get a dog.

And just like with children, it can be one of the most meaningful, soul-filling experiences of your life.

But it will also require you to put yourself last.

Over and over again.

Let me be clear:

I’m not saying no one should own dogs.

I’m not saying dogs are single-handedly responsible for gender inequality.

I’m not saying sacrifice is inherently bad.

I’m saying that women are often handed burdens we never actually agreed to.

You marry a guy who swears he supports your career, but he really wants a dog. Suddenly, you’re the one turning down networking events because someone has to get home and let the dog out—while he’s grabbing drinks with coworkers.

You tell your boyfriend you don’t want kids. He says that’s totally fine—until you’re living in Texas, he doesn’t want to use a condom, your birth control expires… and now you’ve traded your twenties for a tiny, screaming person whose entire existence relies on you and your very sleep-deprived brain.

These are the kinds of responsibilities that reshape a life.

And too often, women are the ones reshaped—without ever getting to choose.

This isn’t about blaming dogs—or even men.

It’s about how easy it is to sleepwalk into sacrifice—and how often women are expected to smile while doing it.

JD Vance thinks childless cat ladies are the most miserable demographic?

Cool story.

I think the most miserable demographic is men who need a woman to pack his lunch, walk his dog, raise his kids, manage his feelings, and still call her lazy.